my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
