I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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