Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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