Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
