idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
