after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
