I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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