you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
