my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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