so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
