I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
