If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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