I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
