I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
