dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
