all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize