Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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