I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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