I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
