saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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