There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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