I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
