You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
