Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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