She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Vodka?
Forever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
