so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
