remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
