I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
