All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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