The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
