i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
