he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
