You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
