how can u be prego again
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
