"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
