i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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