I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
