i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How's work?
Spinning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
