I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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