some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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