You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
