The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
