its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
