Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
