Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
