Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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