Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
