I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
we should paint friendship bongs
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