i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
