last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
