Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize