If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cannot find my penis.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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