My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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