I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
