Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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