i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Success! We fucked roommates!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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