I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
