I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
