i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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