My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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