I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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