Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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