Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
