remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
