Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
