So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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