the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
