my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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