no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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