There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
