I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
