you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize