I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
