Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
