Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
