No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
