There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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