so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
