At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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