I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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