You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
