looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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