Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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