my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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