Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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