He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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