I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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